I was overwhelmed a few weeks back. Chris' work schedule was super busy and stressful as a result, I felt his stress creeping into my life. I had no motivation to get things done around the house, Chris and I weren't connecting, I had a holiday to think about as we were hosting and between my multitude of jobs and commitments I felt swamped!
It was like I was running to catch up to something that either wasn't there or wasn't what I expected and so I kept "running." We all know that, eventually, we cannot run anymore. In fact we run out! Run out of steam, patience, of will. I expressed my frustrations to a friend that inquired what was going on in my life? Her suggestion was to do something just for me and to not focus on if it will be a success or not just do it because it sounds fun to you.
I sat on it for about a week and then the thought of a wine and canvas class popped into my head. I'd always wanted to try one but felt like I needed to wait and make it an event with friends or as a date night with Chris. I never thought to do it by myself. The thought of doing anything completely by myself sounds scary to me.
Over the last few years I have found comfort and solitude in my home and in my married life and in my work life. The pandemic made it even worse, adding fear to leaving and doing things or going places, it gave me an excuse not to live life and my mental health has felt that, even now as things are starting to shift back to "normal." I realized I had created a comfy and cozy bubble that I am too afraid to leave. I've always had social anxiety but over the last 2 years it has heightened because of our lack of connection with other humans.
I found my local Wine and Canvas, signed up for a class and waited. The day of the event had arrived. I said goodbye to Chris and Loki and took myself to a place where I knew no one. In fact most of the people there were in pairings or groups, with the exception of an older lady, who I sat next to, but I felt good. I checked in and grabbed my canvas and an apron and took my seat.
I introduced myself to the lady I sat next to, and the class began. It went as you might expect. Our instructor walked us through every step and then would walk around the room complementing and aiding in everyone's pieces. I learned so much about canvas painting and it was such a peaceful activity. It was fun to look around at all the other artists creations. We are all given the same instructions by the same teacher and yet they all looked different. Something that was said to me was that "as long as you are pleased with your work and how your piece looks, then you are doing a great job." It reminded me that we should look at life in the same way. If we are happy and pleased with where we are in life, that is all that matters and we need to be reminded that we are all doing a great job, so long as we are genuinely happy and not worried about what society says is "successful."
I would definitely go back and do more of these events. Maybe I will get really good at it! Maybe it's the beginnings of a new hobby! Regardless, it felt good to get away from the crazy schedules and holiday madness for just a few hours. I loved turning a plain white canvas into my own beautiful masterpiece and leaning into something I wanted to do and to do it just for me!
I hope you are finding time in your busy lives to lean into your interests or to try new things. It is beyond scary to think about trying something new, something unfamiliar and going to a place where you know no one. But it is always worth it. And that is something I need a constant reminder for. If we walk through life feeling safe and secure, I don't think that is a way to live, in fact in my own personal experience it leaves us feeling alone and unsatisfied. It shuts out chances to grow and to learn and to connect. We need to challenge ourselves and get out of our comfort zone more often. It opens up opportunities to meet new people, to learn a new craft and to broaden our life's bubble.
There is so much of the world to see and a lot of it can be found in your own "backyard." So try something new, get out of your bubble a little and live every day!
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