I use the word "wait" way too much, but it's the type of season I've been in for the last few years as I wait to become a mom. And quite frankly it's hard to do so.
With November just starting I get really excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The holiday's have that glow around them, a coziness that is nostalgic and a warmth that reaches deep down into your soul.
But they can also be hard, for those that have lost loved ones, the season has a lonelier tint to it. And for me it can be hard because I want so desperately to add another stocking to the fireplace and to make new traditions with my own babies, to put up homemade ornaments together and to celebrate in the way that both Chris and I remember as we were growing up. I long for the holidays that will be.
Whether your IVF treatments haven't been taking, or you've suffered a miscarriage, or you've skipped a period and the test still reads negative, or you're still on the waiting list at your agency, or you are still saving money to open a profile with an agency... It's still another holiday season with no bundle of joy in your arms and it's okay to feel all of that, and to feel it deeply.
You are never alone, even when it feels like everyone around you is having babies. Those are just the "happy ever after's" coming true. If I've learned anything, it's that we all have journeys and there is some pain and suffering along the way, sometimes it's shared with us and other times kept to ourselves. Even when I write these, I never know who sees them, reads them and is affected by them. Months can go by and I can get to a place where I don't know if these ramblings I write about matter to anyone. But that's usually when someone mentions that they appreciate my blog and found peace or comfort from my words or from my story.
So, no, I have no news to share yet. And yeah, it's another lamenting blog post about the obvious, but somewhere out there I have to believe that someone is reading along, wondering if their feelings are normal. Well my friend... THEY ARE. And so many of us are going through it all together and or have affirmed to me that they have been right where we are at and made it to the other side.
I don't have a baby to snuggle this season, but I have so many other things to be grateful for. And those are the things I am clinging to as I do my own waiting. Hold onto hope, have faith that God's timing is perfect and feel all the feelings (no matter how big and possibly ugly they are). Our time is coming and I am grateful for that!