Raising Awareness: The Importance of National Infertility Week

If you follow me on social media, you may have seen a few shares and supporting of infertility this week. It's obviously something close to us as we have not been able to get pregnant over the course of these past 5 years and it made me want to write a blog post on the subject.

We have been so busy with the adoption process and have been so excited sharing small updates on that journey that I haven't really thought about "why" we are journeying down this amazing path in awhile!

So if you're new here or are in need of a refresher, I am going to share how our own infertility has changed our lives and what God has shown us along the way.

In October 2019 we made the decision to start expanding our family and like most people we ceased our birth control methods. We picked up "What to Expect When You're Expecting," never expecting that we would struggle to conceive. But month after painful month there were no positive pregnancy tests. I also was late in starting my periods frequently, which made it feel even more painful to never receive a positive test. Looking back I think my body was adjusting to being off of birth control and I think my mentality influenced my body to appear as though I could be pregnant. Our minds are so powerful and I wanted it more than anything.

I went in to see an OB-GYN and was told I needed to lose weight, followed by a long list of risks for an obese pregnancy. The doctor wasn't very warm or friendly and ordered a hormone test for me and suggested a facility for Chris to get his sperm analyzed. My hormone levels came back normal and healthy and Chris' sperm showed slow motility. We were ready for our next steps. The OB-GYN told us Chris could see a Urologist to further analyze why his sperm was slow moving, but our primary care physician didn't see why he would need to see one. We were left feeling discouraged and unsupported by our doctors.

So we sought to figure it out on our own. Trying to narrow down the "problems." We tried losing weight, Chris stopped taking his anti-depressant after reading some of the side effects and was given the green light by our doctor. We looked at trying a clean and natural way to assist in getting pregnant with supplements, diet, exercise, and a house filtration system for clean water, which lead us to realize that the supplements were cheaper than fertility treatments. But we didn't see it through, mostly because insurance wouldn't cover that and we couldn't pay out-of-pocket for it at that time.

Focusing on finances and dwindling debt down became our main focus. I started cleaning houses for extra income and we started budgeting and taking ahold of our money through Dave Ramsey's methods. Then we sought out spiritual assistance in February 2022 by hosting a private anointing ceremony at church with close family and friends. We asked God to be with us in our uncertainty and knelt at the foot of the cross with loved ones around us and were anointed. We brought a candle with us to light for that moment, one filled with scents that represent fertility and as we prayed the flame grew bigger. God was with us in that moment.

By August 2022 Chris and I had another moment where we thought we had been successful due to a late period, but we were not. While working a wedding we chatted about the idea to adopt. My "aversion" to adoption melted away from my heart almost the instant we were anointed back in February, but I think our financial situation was what really was holding us back from starting the adoption process. But if we had gotten pregnant, we would have had no other choice but to make our money situation work for us. So we decided to finish out our "anointing year," and if we still weren't pregnant we would start the process.

December 2022 we told our families our decision and in January 2023 we made our official announcement and began fundraising for adoption fees. We never in a million years thought we would raise the money we needed in such a short amount of time, which made us feel even more strong in our decision and that God was right there along side us through this journey.

Chris was also experiencing some pain when he would use the restroom. And after seeing our primary physician a few times to rule things out and with no success, he sought out a male doctor who helped him get an appointment with a urologist. They found a small cyst in one of his testicles and when asked if this could impact his fertility, they said it would not be likely as it wasn't blocking anything, and only caused inflammation which caused his irritation. Again it felt like we were so close to finding a conclusive answer only to come up short.

By January 2024 we had fundraised the amount of money needed to cover all fees and courses for our home study process as well as the profile creation package. So we hit the "go" button on our adoption process and are now approved and creating a profile for birth mothers to look at.

Throughout our journey we unfortunately have had people make comments that were hurtful to us as individuals and as a couple. We know not everyone is aware and may not know how to react or interact with a couple that is struggling with infertility and even in adoption. Laughing things off or making light of our situation with small jokes or attempts to make us feel better. And it's always from well meaning folks, who have never gone through the pain of infertility. But the best way to support your friends and family that are suffering is to sit with them in it.

As uncomfortable as that is, just offer a hug, an encouraging word, a thoughtful prayer or show support by asking how you can be there for them, or simply show up for them with a meal, a card, a text, a phone call, a gift. There's no need making light of a dark and painful time, so just don't.

I also want to touch on this; just because we are moving forward with an adoption, doesn't mean our infertility story and journey is just completely wiped away. It will always be with us, it has marked us for better and worse and it is apart of our story and has shaped and molded us into who we are today. It's lead us to our current journey and will one day lead us to our child. The child that God has had designed for us all along. And if you are still in the middle of your painful walk with infertility, I see you, you are not alone and I encourage you to take a look at my other more in-depth posts on the subject by reading through the "Baby" section of this blog.

Thank you for reading our story, for being apart of our story and for supporting us along the way. Just remember to be kind, think before you speak and be respectful. I also want to add that those of us going through infertility should also have grace and be tactful when faced with a insensitive or hurtful comment, this is your chance to be kind and explain why it's hurtful, and educate others in a graceful and loving way as well.