It has been a few months since I last updated you all on our journey to becoming parents, the reason being we have no further news. I know I have a few followers who are also playing the "waiting game," and while I would much rather give you all a joyous post on finally conceiving, that is not our reality and many of you come here for honesty and seek comfort in knowing you are not alone in your own journey.
In today's post I will be sharing choices Chris and I have made over the last 4 months to try and increase our chances at conceiving. These decisions were not made lightly and are not options for all couples, but we feel validated in our choices.
First, I have spoken on my own mental health journey and have briefly touched on Chris, being on anti-depressants. If you haven't read the posts on my own mental health, I talk about wanting to deal with it naturally before resorting to medications. (Read the full story HERE).
Chris had been on his medication for quite a few years and after learning about his low motility sperm, read up on symptoms/side effects of his med. Not all anti-depressants are the same and you should always consult your doctor before waning or switching over to a new medication or dose. Chris consulted with his doctor and they approved. I also knew I would need to be extra patient with the effects of his withdrawal no matter how minor or severe. He started waning and overall it was successful. He experienced physical withdrawal symptoms and I was constantly ( but not overly ) checking in with him on his mental state. He has been off of it for 3 and a half months now and is doing well.
The other decision we both decided to buckle down on was our weight-loss journey, which is another subject I have dedicated to this Blog. From December 2020-March 2021 we dabbled in the ketogenic lifestyle. This means we made some things with almond flour and other times with regular flour. Starting in April we switched over to doing strict Keto. Our story has nothing to do with weight and everything to do with health. Too often people associate fat with unhealthy living, truth is skinny people can be just as unhealthy, and we believe what we put into our bodies matters, not the appearance of our bodies.
Both Chris and I switched our mindset from "looking good," to "living good." We want to be able to teach our kids about nutrition and to treat it as fuel for our bodies as well as tasting delicious. We are both about 30 pounds down from April and have lived our normal lives just being more conscious of what we are putting on and in our bodies.
While we work on our physical and mental aspects of life, I believe there is one aspect that is the most important, that being our spiritual. If you follow me on social media I recently posted on the story of Job, if you don’t know the story, here’s a synopsis:
Job is a good and faithful man, one day Satan goes to God and says he’s been observing Job and he thinks the only reason Job is faithful and good is because God has given him everything his heart desires. God gives Satan permission to test Job and in turn Job loses everything, and I mean everything.
Job, however, still praises God for the first few chapters. I always thought this story’s message was about praising God even through our worldly struggles.
However Job wrestled with God, he gets angry and questions Him.
In the end there is no conclusion as to why good people suffer. The conclusion of this story is more of an invitation to trust God’s wisdom.
I have found a lot of God’s wisdom in the stories of the women in the Bible who suffered with infertility. But recently God has tugged on Chris’ heartstrings and he's cried in my arms over his side of the struggle.
I instantly thought of Job…
In the end of Job’s story God restores to him double everything he had lost. Chris and I haven’t lost anything, but we are wrestling with God and going through our own suffering. We can’t sit around questioning the why’s and how’s of what God knows, we couldn’t understand it even if we did know… instead we are being called to TRUST in His Holy Wisdom and it is here that we find our peace and do as Job did: give God the honor and praise and never surrender to the enemy!
I hope you can find peace in knowing that God's wisdom is powerful and He knows the plans He has for us ( Jeremiah 29:11 ) we just need to trust in that!
I have been blessed to have a supportive, understanding and open partner in my husband Chris, but I also know that is not every woman's reality. If you ever need an understanding heart and set of ears, I am here to listen. Even if we have never met, feel free to send me a private message, I am a safe place to vent or express yourself to.
"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me." Psalm 23:4
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