I have been a little radio silent over here the last month. Mostly to do with my new position at church, cleaning clients and trying to maintain relationships as well as a semblance of a love life with my husband.
I knew this year would be a little busy with all we had piling on top of our plates, but I don't think I could truly grasp the energy it was going to drain from us.
I also realize I left you dear readers, hanging with my last post. You should know that since then Chris and I did pay the fee and had our consultation over Zoom. The kind woman on the other side of the screen walked us through the ENTIRE process: what it could look like at any and all stages of the adoption, things we should consider and risks we are taking by agreeing to it all.
We had been sent over the exact same thing through email before our meeting and weirdly, having someone talk it through with you is way less overwhelming than reading it is.
Afterwards we both felt at ease, but there are a lot of tough questions we knew we needed to figure out for ourselves. The toughest question of all is "how narrow do we want the pool to be to have our child?" Questions of substance abuse levels, race and mental health history. We've really been putting thought into these questions and I could write a whole other post on our decisions at another point (and more than likely will..) but we've been taking our time to evaluate and pray and discuss until we get on the same page with one another.
But our biggest ease came with knowing our game plan! We now have a generalized map/ timeline of how and what we can do until we make the decision to push forward. We have an orientation of sorts lined up for March which is another Zoom meeting with other prospective adoptive parents and more details about the process.
Then we fundraise. Adoption is expensive and though we feel we are financially able to provide for and raise a child after they are in our home, we have other fees to pay our agency for a lot of really crucial things. We are thinking our fundraisers will stretch over the course of the year and then whenever we are comfortable we can fill out our official application, go through the home study process and finally, matching and placement of child.
We also aren't planning on having any sort of shower for future baby. We have most of the bigger items and really want any money our friends and family would have spent on a gift to go towards our fundraisers instead, the greatest gift they could give us is a chance to become parents!
As I mentioned in the last post, we are in no rush, we knew when we decided to walk down this journey there would be more waiting and that we can move at whatever speed feels best for us. Recently I have even been itching for a tropical and relaxing baby moon with Chris. I think after we get a few of our home improvements for our home study taken care of we are going to look at scheduling a trip in between our adoption preparations and our becoming parents.
I am always amazed at the person I have become during this journey. I remember the painful days of the past and the genuine struggle with trusting God fully. I know all too well how hard it is to watch your life go by and see others reaching your dreams and goals and aspirations before you do, and I know how much it hurts.
But I also am living proof of what happens when you see your emotions through and lean into God and his understanding and wisdom and love. I don't know how people get through these painful waiting periods without God. And I am so grateful for all I have learned and am learning as we near closer to one of his greatest gifts. I am grateful for the people he is molding Chris and myself to be and for the story I get to see being written right in front of me.
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