Today's post is all about the things I try to do and tell myself to boost and maintain my confidence. First, I would like to say I would not personally classify myself as a confident person. It is something I have always struggled with ever since I was a kid.
I was shy and us shy kids tend to lack the self-confidence throughout most of our lives. Life experiences didn't help my self-assuredness, I can remember my 9th birthday, I had a big slumber party. We had cake and ice cream and stayed up late watching a movie sleeping on my living room floor in sleeping bags. The next morning, I remember laying in my sleeping bag awake, when I heard a small group of girls bashing my party. They talked about how much cooler their birthday parties were and it hurt my feelings.
It hurt them so much, that it wasn't until I started seeing a counselor that I realized I carry that part of my story with me into every single social situation I encounter as an adult! I also was labeled ditzy as a teen and my intelligence was used for joking matters. For the longest time I just brushed it off, but after a while those jokes feel real and to this day I don't feel very intelligent in most places.
I also grew up seeing value in being skinny, which I talk about in one of my previous posts. The media I grew up watching, my pediatrician and the people in my life all made the word "fat" sound like a terrible and undesirable thing. While I understand the importance of exercise and a well-balanced diet, I also think it is important to love our bodies despite what the numbers say!
All three of these areas in my life: social interactions, intelligence, and body image, have been ones I have been focusing on in the last year. It can be difficult to undo years of mental hardwiring that "I am dumb," "I am fat," "I am not fun," but it is possible to reframe your own perspective, it just takes dedication!
To combat the feelings/fear of being unintelligent, I have told people my fears and insecurities I have also addressed situations where I felt my intelligence being belittled and have only received positive responses. As someone who uses her enneagram number to challenge herself and use it for growth strategies, I as an enneagram type 9 can hide away and avoid conflict. Simply bringing up my hurt feelings, gives me anxiety, just the thought of telling someone I don't like something is a challenge. Breaking away from the things we fear is healthy, opening up about what bothers us is helpful for all involved in your life, no one is a mind reader, so we have to be direct, face our fears of rejection and conflict and have the people in our life realize how we feel.
Being heavily involved with social media can be a blessing and a curse all at once. Suddenly you are on for all the world to see. After joining the jewelry business, I worked for, I got used to posting about products and even about myself. I wanted people to find my pages a breath of fresh air, filled with genuine content as well as positive and fun posts. Covid happened and my jewelry parties turned into Facebook Parties. It feels awkward, at first, when it's just you and your phone in a room, talking to ladies about cute pieces and what to pair with them. After a while it became something I got used to and actually liked! As an introvert it can be really nice to work from the comfort of your own home, but what's also nice is inspiring strangers to feel confident in their own skin. I started feeling more confident, practicing what I preached: a touch of jewels can make you feel like a million bucks.
Another way I have been changing is watching how I talk about myself. We all have days where we don't like what we see in the mirror. When I get into those moods, I typically wear my pajamas all day, and sludge around the house like a troll from a fairytale! Funny as it sounds, mentally it can get to me. It's in those moments I must force myself to try. I hop into the shower, have a good cry (showers are wonderful for letting out tears and emotions) and put on real pants and some jewelry. I am always amazed at how much better my disposition is. This also goes hand in hand with self-care, if I am not taking care of myself, I absolutely cannot take care of or care for the people in my life. I am a much happier person when I am taking care of me by doing the things I need to do to relax and it's a boost of confidence when I am clean and blinged out!
I guess we should talk about feeling confident in relationships. I have social anxiety. It doesn't matter what social situation I am about to enter, I always get extremely, gut turning, anxious. Like I said above, I believe my birthday party has played a strong role in the anxiety I feel. When I am the host, I need everyone to feel comfortable, and to have fun, I have the forever fear that people will leave my event and bash it behind my back. I also am afraid to speak in small or large gatherings because I never want to sound dumb, and I feel I don't have a lot to contribute to most conversations. To help with this part of my life, I have honestly just had to focus on my own growth and invest my time and energy into the people who value what I have to say and who love me and find me fun. We can't be friends with everyone, but we can choose the friends that support us and love us and remind us of our worth from time to time.
It can be scary and even difficult to break out of our wounding messages, but the life we live is so short and I don't know about you, but I want mine to be filled with opportunities, joys and accomplishments, not fears, doubts and regret. Being heard and seen by getting the respect and understanding from others far outweighs the fear of speaking up. Loving ourselves is not selfish and branching out of our comfort zone enables life to open more doors so that we can spread our wings and give life and inspiration to others that need to know it!
I hope you know you are not alone and that reading about my struggles resonates with you in some way. Maybe you have shut most people out, maybe you have let your bitterness fester and view the world from a cynical point of view. I know that life, I used to live it. But speaking from someone who is in the middle of her journey to the other side, trust me, shattering those walls is freeing and there are only good things in store. Know that you are loved and worthy of happiness in your life, don't give up, fight for joy every day and keep moving forward!
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